Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
