I'm really into asian looking animals
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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