That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
