I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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