All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i think i have herpe
just one?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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