we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
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im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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