i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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