i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
