:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
