I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
