I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
