Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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