the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
