If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
