I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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