Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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