Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize