That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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