Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Randomize
