i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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