I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
