Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
