i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
being pregnant is like rehab
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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