This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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