I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
