it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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