well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
