if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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