the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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