How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
