You're my little dorito
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
