i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
