the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
