i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
