Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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