And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
