just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
