I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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