genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
