Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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