I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up under a house in Key West
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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