I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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