I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
