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Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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