filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
