i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
