I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
