is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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