His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
