god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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