We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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