hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
