look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
