I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
