you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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