I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm passing your future prison.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
