I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
