I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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