there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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