I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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