I will die if light touches me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
