i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just invented taco cereal.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
