I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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