Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
