i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
