3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
