I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
